If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
