he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
