I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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