Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
