What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
