I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm always down for nudity.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize