Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
