Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
vagina is talking i cant
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
