I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
