Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
