Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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