Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
