Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize