walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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