Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
