how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize