why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
3 2 1 whiskey
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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