Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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