I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
