I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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