and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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