3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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