Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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