one two three fourrrrnication!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
