for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
