i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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