I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize