I think I won the penis lottery.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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