this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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