I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
im calling her cock vulture from now on
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
