News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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