I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
