mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
