dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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