u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
As shirtless as possible
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
