I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
