I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm jealous of your bromance
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
