something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
