Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
