so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
