We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
