Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
