I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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