I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
