You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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