Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize