I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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