The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize