My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
