I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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