I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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