Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
