Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
