Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
