ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
