So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
