You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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