I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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