Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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