I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
