OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My liver just broke up with me...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
