but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
