me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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