don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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