I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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