I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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