dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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