ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
