Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
