I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
