i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
