i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
