Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
