I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
