So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
