I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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