Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i think i have herpe
just one?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
