it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
