Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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