complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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