Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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