is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
