Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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