please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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