I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
