Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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