I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
