in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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