She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
