look no pants
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
