My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize