You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
