Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
