that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
