I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
