You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
