the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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