Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
