Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
