Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
