I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
