i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
