I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
