So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Vodka?
Forever.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
