i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
