We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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